By Marshaun Olaniyan
Life & Relationship Strategist
Relationships. A very familiar word in our society. When most people think of the word “relationship” we automatically think about each other’s and our own love life. How our love life is going or lack thereof altogether. Many of us want to get into a loving relationship. Once we are there, meaning in a relationship, we often wonder how to keep this relationship afloat. We ponder over a great many things when it comes to keeping the relationship fun, exciting, intimate and spicy.
Everyone talks about getting into a relationship but not many people talk about how to stay in that relationship! What determines if the relationship you’re in will last? Are there classes on this subject or do we figure things out along the way, creating unnecessary mistakes that could’ve been avoided if someone would only share their wealth of knowledge so we could apply this very thing, increasing our odds of living happily ever after.
There is a way to determine if your relationship will last and stand the test of time. According to Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute, he and his partner, Robert Levenson, started studying couples after they were asked to solve a conflict in 15 minutes. He followed up with the couples 9 years later and was able to predict with 90% accuracy the couples who’d still be together and those who’d be divorced. The discovery was pretty simple. Dr. Gottman discovered that the #1 predictor to determine if your relationship will last is how you and your spouse interact during conflict.
If you responded with mostly negativity then you’d more than likely become a statistic, i.e. a divorcee. However, if you and your spouse had positive and negative interactions during the conflict, then this would increase your odds of staying married. Additionally, the positive interactions had to be more than the negative ones. The ratio of positive to negative interactions had to be 5:1. He found that unhappy couples usually have a ratio of 1:1.
To read more about Dr. Gottman’s research visit www.gottman.com.
So, now that you know what the #1 predictor to determine if your relationship will last, how will you behave during an argument with each other? Will you incorporate more laughter into your relationship? Will you make sure you touch your spouse during the conflict to let him/her know you understand how they feel? How intently will you listen to make sure you actually hear what he/she is saying versus listening to respond?
If you’re ready to create your healthy romantic relationship full of trust and intimacy, then contact me.